I’m probably going to go straight to hell for this, but I had an overwhelming urge to punch a little old lady in the face the other day.
I mean, just because she was a little old lady, it doesn’t mean that she wasn’t being an a-hole. And from a protective mama’s perspective, she totally was. That said, I’m not sure if a judge would have agreed and I’m also not really as violent as I’m sounding right now, so I managed to keep my fists to myself.
Here’s what happened: I was sitting in a cafe with my kids, having lunch and killing time before an appointment. This is our routine every Thursday after preschool.
The 4-year-old was happily noshing on watermelon, blueberry yogurt and—special treat!—a chocolate muffin. And my 9-month-old was alternating between avocado and a bottle. She’d had a great nap, and she was in a fantastic mood. She’s also pretty darn cute and happily chatters away in her own little baby-babble language, and strangers often strike up random conversations with me about her.
So, when the little old lady sitting behind us commented on my baby’s sweet little voice and asked me how old she was, it was nothing out of the ordinary. I added something to the effect that she was eating beautifully, as she was happily drinking her bottle, at which point, this woman said: “Little lady, don’t eat too much. You have to watch your figure!”
Wait—what? Did you seriously just imply that my infant daughter needed to watch her weight?
Not my son, mind you. Of course I wouldn’t have been OK with that either, but he was eating an insane-looking chocolate concoction, so it wouldn’t have been totally out of left field. But no, the comment was directed to my baby girl who was simply EATING.
This is it, folks. This is how young it starts. The body awareness, the body shaming, the ridiculousness of the society that we live in. It starts in infancy.
And that woman should count her lucky stars that my 4-year-old was there and caused me to restrain myself. Because he may be too young to understand the complexities of body shaming, but I’m pretty sure he would remember me telling an old lady to f*ck off.
Oh, I know what some people will say: I’m being too sensitive and I’m overreacting. She was just making conversation. She didn’t mean it like that. She was being ironic. She was a little old lady, and that’s what little old ladies say.
This is it, folks. This is how young it starts. The body awareness, the body shaming, the ridiculousness of the society that we live in. It starts in infancy.
Now, all of that may be true, but it doesn’t make it right or acceptable.
This is why, according to one study, half of girls between the ages of 6 and 8 think they’re not thin enough.
This is why it’s revolutionary when a normal-size woman like Kate Winslet pops up in Hollywood or—gasp!—plus-size model Ashley Graham ends up on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
This is why we have a bazillion articles thrown at us while we’re still pregnant about how to lose the baby weight, and dads are exalted for “dad bod.”
This is why a ridiculously perfect celebrity like Jennifer Garner has to go on the record to say (again) that she is not pregnant, that she’s just had three kids and will probably always have a little belly.
This is why as moms, we have to talk ourselves into getting in a damn bathing suit so that we can enjoy summer with our kids.
This is why…well, this is why we are all so f*cked up. Our bodies are constantly on display, up for discussion, up for criticism. Is it any wonder that we’re then constantly criticizing ourselves and saying self-deprecating things about still needing to lose that last 5 (or 10 or 15) pounds of baby weight when someone gives us a compliment? I struggle with this constantly. Instead of accepting nice words about my appearance, I’ll say, “Well, this dress covers up a lot,” or “Thanks, but I still have a way to go.” What is that? That’s crap, that’s what it is.
I am making a conscious effort to cut the crap, because I am too old and too tired for this. But more than that, I don’t want those negative thoughts assaulting my daughter. She is perfect just the way she is, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let anyone tell her otherwise and let her grow up thinking those thought are OK—or inadvertently model poor behavior myself.
So, lady, I may not have punched you in the face or flung a biting retort your way, but the next person who pulls that nonsense might not be so lucky.
Tell Us: How do you approach body-image issues with your kids?
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