Babies—they’re just like us! Only smaller…and cuter…and louder…and poopier. Right? Wrong. Well, I mean, they are technically little humans, unless you’re dealing with a Rosemary’s Baby or Renesmee situation. (In which case, you should really, um, talk to someone about that.) But babies are so different than adults, they […]
Dear Toddler: Ketchup Isn't a Food Group
Keep your fancy sandwiches with your un-American cheese. Keep your charbroiled-to-perfection burgers. Keep your panko-and-parmesan-crusted chicken that had the audacity not to come out of a freezer box. Keep your great-grandmother’s four-generations-tested lasagna and those weird noodles. And certainly keep your vegetables unless…unless…never mind. Keep your vegetables. No, my toddler […]
Warning: Bossy Toddler on the Loose!
I feel like I’m living in Footloose. And not in the good “Kevin Bacon is awesome” way. In the “I’ve got a little dictator telling me what to do” way. “No dancing!!!” Such has been the decree of my 2-and-a-half-year-old lately, and it alternates with: “No singing!!!” Not all the time, but sporadically, […]
Got a Plan for the Apocalypse?
You’re going to think I’m nuts, but the week before last, I asked my husband if he had an emergency plan if New York City gets hit by the plague. This wasn’t a tongue-in-cheek, hypothetical conversation discussing the zombie apocalypse—though I kind of tested the waters by having a semi-flippant attitude, in case he […]
13 Ways Your Baby Is Like a Puppy
You know how before you have kids, you’re never supposed to say—never even supposed to hint—that you know what it’s like to have a kid because you have a dog? I mean, you know it’s different, but when you’re looking into that adorable little puppy’s eyes and loving her till your heart practically bursts, […]
Other Parents Suck
People are a-holes. No, not all people, but lots of them. And when those people become parents, they’re most likely still going to be a-holes. The thing is, people don’t change. As women, we’ve been told this time and time again—and we’ve experienced it time and time again—in our dating lives. But yet, I […]
Why Frozen and 8 Other Children’s Movies Terrify Me
Disney cartoons are lovely, aren’t they? Stories of triumph over hardship. Dreamy ball gowns. Sweet forest creatures that help you do housework. Dead moms everywhere. Wait—what? Yep, dead moms. The whole dead-mother thing in Disney movies has been discussed before, but since becoming a mom and watching this stuff with my toddler, it just […]
All I Want for Mother’s Day
Don’t get me wrong: I’d never turn down a massage, chocolate, diamonds or the offer to sleep in. I mean, I may look like I’ve lost my mind, but it’s still rattling around in my head somewhere. But Mother’s Day isn’t just about all of the bells, whistles and foot rubs. (Though I did […]
11 Truths About Motherhood
Some experiences are truly universal. If you’re a mom, this is your life. 11. You are king, queen and servant all rolled into one. You are loved. You are worshipped. You are Mommy. Now wipe that tushy, sing three Laurie Berkner songs in rapid succession and make some grilled cheese—and don’t forget to cut […]
To the UPS Guy Who Just Saw My Living Room
Dear UPS Guy: So…my apartment is a total mess. I know it. You know it. We don’t talk about it, and that’s fine. But today, well, I feel like we need to address it. I’m sure you’re going to say that you’ve seen it all, but really, this may have taken the proverbial cake, […]
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