As a parent, you realize pretty quickly that your words can and will be used against you at some point. There’s the well-placed F-bomb that comes out at the most mortifying time. That private conversation with your husband that their supersonic hearing somehow picks up (even if that same hearing never seems to hear pleas to clean their rooms). And the weird childhood story your dad told about you that is now seared into their memories forever.
I just didn’t realize that Bon Jovi’s words would also factor into this equation.
Yes, Bon Jovi.
No, I don’t know the man, but I am a fan. And, of course, I have control over the radio most of the time, even though I take requests (for Taylor Swift and every anime theme song ever created, naturally). But there’s one Bon Jovi song in particular that I tend to play on repeat, and I have since they were little: “It’s My Life.”
It’s catchy and just a darn good song, but beyond that, I like the message. And when they were old enough to understand (and probably even before that), I told them how much I liked that message.
Been a while? Here are a few highlights:
It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
It’s my life
My heart is like the open highway
Like Frankie said, “I did it my way”
I just want to live while I’m alive
It’s my life
You better stand tall when they’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break, baby, don’t back down
I realize it’s just a song (and from Bon Jovi, no less), but it really encapsulates so much for me—about how I want my kids to live their lives and so much that I regret about mine. I am a die-hard people-pleaser and worrier, and as I’ve gotten to that point of my life where there might be less ahead of me than there is behind me, I’m wondering why. Why am I trying to please anyone but myself? Why am I looking for approval from people who aren’t, well, living my life? It’s my life, not theirs. Full stop. But I have a lot of trouble breaking that cycle.
Why am I trying to please anyone but myself? Why am I looking for approval from people who aren’t, well, living my life?
It is not what I want for my kids. So I end up playing this song for them, along with a few others that have similar messages of empowerment, and then we talk about it. A lot. Because aside from being a people-pleaser and a worrier, I’m a talker. And I talk things to death. Still, who knows if it really sinks in.
Well, apparently it does … though not in the ways that I had anticipated. Take, for instance, my recent field trip with my daughter to a town-wide tag sale in a neighboring town. The stores in this cute little town got in on the action, and I was hemming and hawing over a pair of bedside lamps that were absolutely lovely and massively on sale. But did I really need them? Did I really want to spend the money? Probably not, and definitely not.
So my 8-year-old and I got in the car, and as we were driving, I was still arguing with myself. It was at this point that my daughter chimed in: “Mom, go back and get the lamps. It’s your life, and it’s now or never!”
Me, after a beat: “Did you just quote Bon Jovi to me?”
Her: “Yes! Now go back and get the lamps.”
I’m not sure that’s quite what I had in mind when I was trying to get my kids to take of their lives and live them to the fullest … but hey, I got some gorgeous lamps out of the deal. And my daughter does talk about her life and her choices with everything from which dance class she wants to take to what she wants to do on the weekend. She doesn’t want to squander those opportunities and become too complacent, and she makes it clear to me every time she quotes that song. I think about that every time I look at those lamps too.
Tell Us: What are the most important lessons you’re trying to teach your kids?
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