Everyone will tell you that you’re glowing and that this is the most special time of your life, but let’s get real: Being pregnant kind of blows.
Between the need to pee every three minutes, the constant anxiety that something will go wrong, the nausea, the cankles, the itchy nipples, the stretch marks and the other delightful indignities that pregnancy inflicts upon you—all of which you’re forced to suffer through without alcohol—it’s 10 months of intermittent hell.
But during my second go-round of growing a human being, I have realized that there are a few benefits to being pregnant. You know, aside from getting a perfect, squishy, adorable baby at the end of the whole thing. So hang in there because…
15. Your enormous belly makes your hips look small by comparison.
14. Sweating is suddenly called “glowing.”
13. Strangers give up their seats for you on crowded trains.
12. And if they don’t, you have every right to bitch about it afterward.
10. Massages are therapeutic, and on-demand foot rubs are completely reasonable requests.
9. You can win any argument with your significant other by saying: “Yeah, well, I’m pushing a baby out of my vagina.” Or, if you’re having a C-section: “Need I remind you that I’m having major surgery to bring your kid into this world?”
8. Taking off your bra at the end of the day feels even more glorious than normal.
7. You have to go shopping for new clothes.
6. Everyone’s telling you to sleep now while you can, so you’ll take that nap, thank you very much!
5. People think you’re a rock star if you show up, eight months pregnant, to a party at a bar. Bonus points if you’re wearing heels.
4. You don’t have to worry about getting in shape for bathing-suit season.
3. More Cheetos.
2. Putzing around online and reading silly lists like this one are considered research.
1. Mood swings: Explained, excused, expected.
Leave a Reply